Madness Through Time
by Jiang Qing
Summary: The TARDIS takes the Doctor and his companion to somewhere Amy always thought was fictional. The Doctor joyfully meets his old friend the Hatter, but something is definitely amiss. Called "Underland" but not set in the Burton-Verse. Epic danger ahead.
1. The Landing

**I love **_**Alice in Wonderland.**_** I love **_**Doctor Who.**_** It's only natural that the to should come together isn't it? **

**WARNING: Later on in story there is potentially shocking character change. **

"Oh my… this is amazing! Impossible! Could it be…. No she doesn't lie, the TARDIS _can't_ lie. Can it lie? I've never asked. Strange, I usually ask about things like that. But asking usually requires an answer…"

"Doctor? What's going on?" Amy Pond lifted her head sleepily from the chair she was sprawled on, her long red hair ruffled on one side from having her head propped in her hand. Blearily, she rubbed her eyes and stared at the maniac that was running in circles six feet in front her, muttering to himself at high speed. "Doctor?"

"Not now, Amy… in fact not at all. Don't ask, don't speak, don't even think. If we're going to land where I _think_ we're going to, then you will be too flabbergasted to even _dream_ of uttering a single word. Not that anything has stopped you before of course, oh nonono… Now TARDIS. Are you going to admit your little joke? Or are you still going to remain _schtum?" _In his excited frustration, the Doctor kicked out at his beloved control panel, and completely missed. "You planned that, didn't you? You _planned it, and now you're trying-"_

Amy rolled her eyes towards heaven, not even attempting to get up. She'd seen him like this far too many times to count, and often it was about some planet that hadn't been inhabited for the past five hundred or so years. She remembered the time all too well when he insisted on taking her to the moon- yes the moon for goodness sake, _anyone_ could go to the moon- and she had to sit around for four or five hours pretending to be fascinated by the lack of atmosphere and the never ending expanse of grey rock. The Doctor, on the other hand, had insisted on searching behind what seemed every other boulder, occasionally crying out "Come out and play!" or what suspiciously sounded like "Edgar, my old friend! Edgar, I am back!" From the lack of response, Amy noticed, 'Edgar' didn't seem that terribly interested. Sure enough, after five hours of playing his pointless game of hide and seek, the Doctor had returned to the TARDIS and sulked for over a fortnight. It would have been irritating if the Doctor wasn't such a little boy; his idea of sulking was the typical five-year old grunting and pouting of the bottom lip. Half the time, Amy honestly didn't know if she wanted to hit him or mother him to death.

"What am I thinking? Of course she didn't plan it! It's fate! Wonderful, fantastic, utterly inconvenient FATE. But what if it's changed? What if it's no longer the place I remember? What if he's gone? Oh cruel fate, don't DO THIS TO ME!"

"What's fate?" She just_ had_ to ask.

"I SAID DON'T TALK TO ME, POND!" The Doctor manically began to press as many buttons as he could possibly reach, his long fingers flying over his keypad. "If I tap this one… and this one… perhaps if I do it how she wants it… there was a cat last time if I recall. Lovely one, all…. stripy. Could talk human as well as cat if I remember… of course I can talk both, but I can certainly talk cat _better…" _

"You said something was fate. What's fate?"

"So if I try and land it now… zigzag plotter… to the left… there we are… _she'd_ be dead now of course, after all she's only human. But the others… hmmm…"

"What's fate? You said something was fate!"

"Amy Pond if you can't be helpful then I suggest that you remain perfectly quiet. I will explain shortly."

Amy narrowed her eyes, and glared as the Doctor pushed his flopping hair out of his own eyes that were masked with concentration. This 'surprise surprise' attitude that pervaded the Doctor's personality was very entertaining when you were in the right mood, but unfortunately Amy wasn't. It had been three weeks since she had met Van Gogh, and the fact that he had still committed suicide bothered her beyond anything. She had accepted now that his death hadn't been anything to do with her or the Doctor- he had killed himself historically before they had intervened- but the extent of his madness that led to his demise still scared her. What must it be like to lose your mind? How must it feel to be so helpless, and so trapped inside your own miserable personality?

_The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things. _

As if determined to drag anyone from coherent frame of thought, the TARDIS gave a sudden, brutal lurch, and Amy overbalanced, wildly grabbing at the rail. "Doctor!"

"Just hold on! Bit of a rough landing… it always does when it lands somewhere most people think to be fictional…"

"What are you _talking_ about? Argh!" The TARDIS lurched violently for a second time, and Amy slammed into the Doctor full force, knocking them both to the floor.

"_Will you try and control yourself, Pond?" _

"_I can't help it! It's your TARDIS, not mine!" _

"_Well that's a good job isn't it, seeing as I'm the only one who can _drive it!"

"_Oh yes, and you're doing a _fantastic_ job so far…" _

As the two argued, the world around them stumbled and rolled, seemingly with no intention to land smoothly, if at all. Disentangling himself from Amy's long lings, and spitting several chunks of her hair from his mouth, the Doctor pulled himself to his feet and worriedly began to tug at his controls. "It wasn't as bad as this last time, a new force perhaps? But the real question is, if there's a force, is it a _good _one… Ah ha!" The TARDIS gave a final reel, and ground to a abrupt, startlingly mediocre halt. "I do believe we've… LANDED. We've landed! Oh Amy, this is unbelievable!"

"Is it?" From her position on the floor, Amy was less than impressed. "Only because I think I've broken something, but I think you should help me up…"

The Doctor wasn't listening. "This is my kind of place! Exactly my kind! Oh you'll love it! I love it! I missed it so much, but before now I could never seem to _find_ it…HA!" He turned to his companion, boyish grin stretched from ear to ear. "This time I won't have to pretend to be normal! You'll have to pretend to be weird! Drive on the different side, bat for the other team!"

"I'm not turning lesbian."

"No," the Doctor was too distracted to even question what 'lesbian' meant. "Of course not."

"Shall we go then?" Amy yanked herself to her feet, and limped towards the door. "New, weird land here I come…"

"Wait!" The companion turned, her green eyes wide with impatience. "Don't you want to know what's out there?"

"Not really. I'd rather see, do, then go somewhere else."

Again, the Doctor gave no indication that he had heard her. "Have you ever heard of the book _Alice in Underland?" _

Amy cast her mind back, and quickly nodded. "You mean _Alice in Wonderland. _Yeah, I read it when I was a kid. Freaky book, very dull heroine."

"_Alice in _Wonderland? Who told you that rubbish? It's _Alice in _Underland. Well," the Doctor smiled and gave a shrug, "I suppose even literature is like Chinese Whispers. Everything changes slightly through time. Let's go, shall we?" He reached out towards the door, but his companion grabbed his arm.

"Why did you ask me about _Alice in Wonderland?" _

"Underland."

"Whatever. _Where are we?" _

The Doctor gave a frown. "Underland. I thought it was obvious."

"_We're in Wonderland?" _

"No. Well, yes, I suppose so. Though they call it Underland here, as I said. You may not want to get the name wrong to the residents' faces. They may get a bit upset. Some are quite… sensitive."

"You've taken me to Wonderland."

"Underland, but this time I'll let it pass. And yes. Would you like to have a look?"


	2. Mushrooms

**MADNESS SWINGS WIDE**

_MUSHROOMS_

"This is _amazing." _

"Amazing? I think it's more than that, Pond. Think. Before I brought you here, you thought that Underland was fictional. A place in a book, non-existent, somewhere you wouldn't visit even in your wildest of dreams-"

"So where's this?" The Doctor's rant ground to a halt, and he looked around him, the beginnings of a frown fixated in place. As far as Amy could see, the ground was littered in tiny, coloured mushrooms that gave the eye-aching effect of a psychedelic canvas. "I mean, I know we're in Wonder- _Under_land, but where exactly?"

"I'm not sure." The Doctor picked a red, glistening mushroom and sniffed it. "But I think the TARDIS is trying to tell us that we're _too big." _Whistling nonchalantly, the Doctor began to scoop up the mushrooms as if they were sweets. "I see that they're colour coded… now I just have to work out the code…"

Knowing that to talk now would really wind the Doctor up, Amy contented herself with picking as many mushrooms as she could. _God knows why he's doing it._ Pretending to know what the hell she was doing, she studied each one carefully and made the appropriate 'hmm' and 'ahh' noises of deep thought. _A red one, a yellow one, that green makes it look mouldy, gross! A blue one…_ The Doctor meanwhile was getting himself into a bit of a pickle. Mushrooms cascading from his overloaded arms, it didn't help that he had to push the hair from his eyes every few seconds. With a sudden roar of frustration, he dropped the entire load and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. "This should do it, and if it doesn't I'll be quite pleased to see the entire lot _burn." _The green light flashed over the fungi, and obligingly the yellow, green and pink ones gently began to smoulder. The red and blue ones however, remained untouched. The Doctor didn't seem to become particularly over-excited by this; his frown deepened further. "Blue and red, interesting combination… _awful_ if you're talking about décor. But _which colour do we need?" _

Amy felt that it was about the right time she offered her available, if slightly ignorant services. "Could I help?"

For the first time in half an hour, the Doctor spared his companion a glance. "Ah, Amy!" His charming, familiar grin lit up the entire face that was previously screwed up in frustration. "Here, as you might like to say it, is your _moment._ I do believe you're adaptable to change?"

"Let me think for a second," Amy pretended to muse, sarcasm being a favourite device of hers along with her fiery temperament. "One day I'm leading a normal, if slightly boring life, and the next I'm riding around in a police box, complete with Time Lord and any adventure I've ever dreamed of. Yes, I think I might be adaptable to change."

"Excellent! Now," The Doctor plucked from the ground a red and blue mushroom, then handed them to her. "If you would be so kind as to try these… only the blue and red ones matter, don't worry, the rest you can do something useful like make an omelette. Did I tell you I can cook? Paris, eighteenth century. Wonderful stuff, fabulous cuisine. And I'm the only living reminder." He gave a slightly manic chuckle, deliberately ignoring, or so Amy thought, the withering look that she was shooting in his direction.

"Er, Doctor?" She let the mushrooms fall to the ground. "I'm not eating these. No way."

"DON'T WASTE THEM!" The Doctor's lanky frame stooped down as quick as lightning, grabbing the mushrooms from the hefty smoking pile he dropped moments earlier. "I thought you said you wanted to _help. _If you're going to just stand there being useless, then I suggest you go back to the TARDIS. I'll have my fun and perhaps come back in a day or two."

"Can't _you _eat them?"

The Doctor flashed her a surprisingly sharp glance. "Can I eat them? Of course I can. But I thought you said you wanted to help."

"I don't want to help anymore."

The Doctor gave a sigh. "You will have to eat them eventually, you know."

"I'll just go back to the TARDIS then…"

"Oh for goodness sake, Pond…" The Doctor, lifted the blue mushroom to his mouth, and bit off a sizeable chunk. "Smaller," he said calmly, and flashed Amy a smile. For a short while nothing happened, and the Doctor and Amy were just staring at each other, both waiting expectantly with half smiles of confusion on their faces. Amy blinked, and the next thing she knew the Doctor was shooting _upwards, _his already long legs growing as if they were dough being stretched by a rolling pin, features fast becoming distorted. His companion could only watch as he towered above her, the growth spurt slowing and finally stopping at about sixteen feet. "Ah! Well," The Doctor glanced casually down, then at the half eaten blue mushroom in his hand. "At least we now know which is which, I suppose."

"Doctor!" Amy cupped her hands to her mouth, and called desperately up towards the giant above. "Are you okay?"

"What?"

"_Are you okay?" _

"Yes, Amy, I'm fine." The Doctor replied, now studying the red mushroom. "I just wonder…" Before Amy could stop him, the Doctor popped the entire fungus in his mouth, and this time, Amy noticed, it was as if he was shutting up like a telescope.

"Doctor? I can't see you!"

"Down here," A miniscule voice floated upwards, and Amy caught sight of the Time Lord sitting under what looked like a giant daisy. "Curiouser, and curiouser." The Doctor took in his new miniature features and gave an appreciative laugh. "Now Amy," he yelled up towards the stunned girl. "Pick a red mushroom, but just take a bite. I was sixteen feet when I ate mine, and you're only six."

"_Only?_ Some women would kill to have my height and figure."

"Just eat the mushroom, Pond. I want to see my friends!"

_What friends? _Amy cautiously plucked at a red mushroom, and nibbled an edge. Sure enough, a couple of seconds later, she was sitting by the Doctor, who was looking at her critically.

"You're taller than me. I'm not sure I like it. Eat some more!"

Amy ignored him, and instead brushed a hand over the bitten mushroom in front of her, now in her perspective roughly the size of a large umbrella. "My aunt once said that I should never try shrooms at parties. They do funny things to you."

The Doctor pulled himself to his feet, and offered her a hand. "You're not at a party now. I won't tell auntie if you don't."

Amy grabbed the help and yanked herself up. "I don't think telling auntie will be necessary. But these shrooms _definitely_ go beyond Class A…"


End file.
